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Now, if your relationship has had the trauma of a full blown sexual affair or emotional infidelity, you are competing with not only the fantasy of an ideal life without problems but a person that is in the opposite space of distressed.

Hard to hear, but reality hurts and I say this to the part of you who knows how to pick yourself up after a fall and dust yourself off. Of course, it may seem like I am suggesting an impossibility – get happy, be strong, get back into life, and develop your confidence. Or the hurt, scared or angry part getting all the air time?

– Quit supplying you wife or husband with a reason to leave. I am asking you to stop doing the very thing that keeps the feeling of powerlessness and helplessness temporarily at bay. This means stopping anything that would be perceived by your spouse as your way of chasing him or her, such as: Stop saying “I love you.” This is essential. ” I get it, but even though this will be hard, know that every time you say “I love you,” your spouse is reminded that they don’t love you and will be looking the other way! That is why it is imperative to silence the “I Love You’s”. What happens in a crisis like separation is, we become desperate, clingy, and depressed.

You already feel how disheartening it is to hear their resigned response of “I know” or worse, still silence. You are in tears often, mope around sadly, lose interest in things you used to enjoy, and basically become lifeless as the fearful or rejected part of you shuts you down as a means to cope.

OK, so you have tried everything, exhausted all your options, and feel hopeless and even helpless.

Now it is time to use the Last Resort Technique to save your marriage.

People start to do an amazing reframe here and I often hear spouses wondering aloud with things like, “I am not sure I ever really loved him or her.” This is basically due to the suffocation the spouse feels.

It becomes a survival issue and you are the danger they need to escape from.

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Usually, only one partner is in favour of a divorce and the other spouse who made the call to me is the one who desperately wants to stay together.

It is surprising but it is the reality, this will really connect with the part of you that can hear reason.

Indeed, your very persistence is robbing your spouse of valuable time to think about what else is really going on your life.

If you are at the place where you have got nothing to lose, then give it a go.

If your friend is sharing their sadness and hopelessness with you and needs help with their marriage, please pass this relationship advice on.




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